Day Eight

Breakfast View

Nice chilled morning Breakfast view from the Beach

The exercise regime continued further with another 30 laps swim, 200 sits-ups and 150 press-ups!. This was all hungry work, so I took myself down to the beach and gorged myself on a phat breakfast.

The internet was still shot at my favourite place (the guy hadn’t paid the bill!), I was told to try a better & cheaper place in Madgoan. I could have two birds with one stone here, as I need to go and replace these cheap dodgy speakers I’d brought on Sunday-.

I wasn’t really too bothered if i found this internet place or not, I’d been sat at a PC for a few days now so I won’t mind a break. If i found it bonus, if not, I’ll just Phutta-phut up to Panjim (State Capital) for a laugh. ....and if that was going to be the case, I’d spend the evening up there, so I’ll need my fleece for the evening ride back. So I packed everything in my bag, but the only place I could fit the speakers was in the "boot" of this little Activa. However the crash Helmet was in there, so not thinking too much about it, I made way for the speakers and removed the helmet. (The roads are so dangerous anyways, whats the point of any safety!!

Once in Madgaon (and after a few cross words) I managed to exchange the speakers (he wasn’t going to entertain the idea of a refund!) but I couldn’t really find this internet place. Instead I found the PCI (Pest Control of India) office and arranged someone to tackle the ants in the flat (I did ask them if they could exterminate native idiots, but unfortunately they weren’t allowed to!). So I began happily Phutta-phutting north to Panjim some 30kms away.

Busted Speakers!

I got busted all because of these buggered Speakers!

Chomping through the traffic with the aid of my pathetic horn I was covering good ground. Just as I approached a roundabout only 16kms away from Panjim I got whistled at and told to pull over by a policeman! In India you’re supposed to carry your license and wear a helmet on the National Highways (which I was on) - but looking at the traffic you’d hardly believe there are any laws! My driving license is still the old style paper one and is somewhere back home; the helmet I’d taken out for the speakers! Humm!

I knew I was caught red-handed and was slightly stumped as I slowly pulled over and switched off the bike. My mind was working fast, and I decided to try in order the following blaggin tricks:

1) Speaking High-Brow English and with a matching accent, I greeted the Policeman

>> Usually this throws the other person as they don’t know good English and get embarrassed with you and just ask you to move on! — The guy spoke perfect English and explained to me exactly what was wrong and wasn’t going to accept my passport in lieu of my license (despite my efforts!)!!

2) Pretending to be ignorant about my surrounding, I played on the fact that I was ’lost’ and needed directions. I began answering his questions with questions of my own!

>> He told me exactly where I was and I then pointed to the next inland place on the map as my destination! (on the inland coastal roads you don’t need a helmet!) — Furthermore his friend appeared on the scene, up until this point I was sure I was going to be able to blag my way out, but the two began chatting with each other (I could still understand what they were saying!)

3) Trying to drag this out for longer, I continued to ask more tokenistic questions but inevitably I was brought over to the little kiosk and asked for all my particulars!

>> The breakdown of the charges were:

100Rs for not wearing a Helmet; 450Rs for not being in pocession of a license; 500Rs (for the bikes owner) for allowing an unlicensed driver!; Total 1050Rs!

Okay, fair cop, i’d been busted, and the fine was a little over £10GBP. What I was more worried about was the record being sent back to the owner of the bike. This hire-guy had already given me loads of grief about "being careful" (it was a brand new and only 2 months old). His manner got my back up and in-turn I started persistently asking him to provide me with the Helmet —> that I’ve not used!

From my side I’d ran out of tricks and whilst still playing the Naive tourist I was waiting to hear the magic words from his mouth. I never mention it myself, always, always wait for them to suggest it. This way you can’t be accused of bribery & they also can’t resist the temptation of not trying!

"We can ADJUST it. So how much will you pay?"

Bingo! My fine instantly vaporised to something less that 1050Rs - the amount was yet to be decided! Again playing the tactic of nativity and letting them make the moves, I kept playing dumb and saying "I’m going to pay 1050Rs, right?" And then taking through the offenses I’ve just committed. They kept replying "So how much will you pay?" ..... "1050Rs, right? 100 for the helmet and 950 for the license!"

The longer you play it the more uncomfortable they get, because they know they’ve been the ’other side’ of the line for too long and it was getting more and more obvious. (The same thing when you catch a child doing something they know they shouldn’t be, but you doing say anything, they stop on their own accord!)

The other guy was tired of my stupidity and attempts to write down 1050Rs on the report they were filling out, he told the first guy to suggest an amount for the "Adjustment"! Within a minute I had a report & receipt for the offense of failing to wear a Helmet (100rs) and had paid them 500Rs for their trouble in writing it for me! I should add however, that just like in the old Kitkat advert, whilst this was all going on every single bookable traffic offense went past unnoticed behind us!....oh, hang on, thats what the whole country is like!

Get out of Jail Free!

My supposed get out of Jail Free Card!

I was chuffed enough as it was to have got out of this little situation, so you can imagine my delight as the Cop also told me that if I ever get stopped again by the police just hand them this report and they’ll left me pass! Bingo! A get out of Jail Free card for 500Rs! _ i can now move on and build hotels on Mayfair, own all 4 stations & both utility works and concern the monopoly board and live on the rental income!

Needless to say when i returned I took myself off the highway (never push your luck!) and found a different way back using the back roads!!

Terminated

Completely taken out, insect carcases everywhere first thing in the morning!

I managed to catch the film "Traffic Signal" in the evening (an interesting bollywood production about the life & lives around beggars at traffic signal in Bombay) before getting back over to the beach for a massively phat meal of Chicken & seafood! I was stuffed at the end and I only managed to get to the sofa in the flat before my stomach took over and redirected all energy to it for digestion!...I failed to notice that more Ant carcasses had gathered about the place, I’d leave that joy of sweeping for the morning!